Sunday, November 27, 2011

dreams and aspirations

Someone very dear to me asked this question. Many a times I've thought about how my future is going to be like, but when the question presented itself to me, I hardly know where to begin. So, in the name of Allah, I'll try to answer this truthfully here. Now.

I want to ace university with flying colors! Hopefully I'm blessed with the chance to pursue it abroad (in the States tehee :B). Get a degree and make my parents proud. Get an awesome job that allows me to travel here and there, meet interesting new people, taste good food. Make this dream I share with my best friend Saskia, come true which is to open up an old folks' home and an orphanage. Of course, when we can really make it (amin to that). Open up a joined partnership deal with my long time buds, a restaurant/bistro of our own! Sky dive or bungee-jump. Help the poor. Make a change for animals. Be an ambassador maybe. Get lost in a foreign country that speaks a foreign language. Join a book club!
And then of course, meet the love of my life and fall head over heels for him (I'd love to meet him during my studying years just like how my parents met in the States when they were there to study too). Have a beautiful, low-key wedding, nothing over the top. The guest list will only include close family and friends. Go backpacking for our honeymoon (whoever you are, Mr. Future, I hope you're adventurous and spontaneous). I may not fit all my pretty dresses and clothes into a backpack, I may not look my best during this trip, but I assure you that we'll have the time of our lives. Then, settle in a cozy house. Doesn't matter if it's an apartment or a bungalow, because being with him means being at home for me. If we were to have a garden, I'll plant flowers and herbs (hmm if they can grow in our Malaysian climate that is). Cook meals for the family. Grant my parents and his the pleasure of having grandchildren.
Be closer to God and his Prophet. Perform the hajj. And just have the feeling of being content.

A rough guide of how I would want my life to turn out. I know the chances of this happening is really thin, but my dreams keeps my hopes alive. Everything will not be the way you want them to be, so you have to give and take. It's all about having to compromise. And never lose sight of the things that you already own, be thankful. Don't keep chasing something that's already out of reach. InsyaAllah, everything will fall into place one day. We just have to keep calm and pray for the best ♥

Monday, November 21, 2011

lame girl post

Cliché, that we girls tend to write about matters of the heart. If you're not interested in me boring you in another episode of that, kindly exit this blog or don't read this post by all means.

I'm sure I have stated this time and time again in any of my previous blog posts, it is really hard for me to really REALLY like someone or to have affection for someone. It's a once in a blue moon kinda thing for me; affection. Crushes come and go, and they appear more frequently than having to like someone. 

Hm. I. Don't. Know. What. To. Say.
Or what I'm feeling right now.

I'm hoping it's something. But I don't want to take risks right now.
I can't afford to let myself be hurt again. Or fall, when there's no one there to catch me.
I might be thinking too much, I tend to over-analyze, but at the same time I know there might be something there.
That gut feeling you know?

But whatever it is, this is really unexpected. 
Thank you Lord, for giving me a bit more faith.
I surrender my fate to You. Show me the way, amin.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

What are you looking forward to?

FOR THIS SEMESTER TO END. Wait no, more specifically, FOR HOLIDAYS huhuhehehaha


Ask me questions about movies

my unfortunate events

Assalamualaikum. Hello. It's been a while.

So I've been caught up with a lot of work lately. Heaps of it. Alhamdulillah, I seem to manage. Some miracle always happens at the eleventh hour. I'm doing okay, but I'm barely floating though.

College has been a whirlwind so far. So many things I've experience but so little at the same time. I feel so detached from all of it. The only thing that keeps me there are my friends, Missy, Maria, Farah, Glow, Eera, Azira and Mariah. Of course, a lot of acquaintances, but I can count my close ones with my fingers. The fall semester is coming to an end and it still feels like it just started yesterday. The second we know it, it's already mid term and finals are just a few weeks away. How time flies.

Besides that, lots of things has been happening. Lots of things that has got to do with the heart.
I'm a Summer for those who don't know. Yes, the one in 500 Days Of Summer.
I tend to chase the boys I like, not settle for the ones who come. I give inappropriate signals to guys I'm not planning to be with, I'm too friendly sometimes (I think...). I like a guy, send him signals subtly, gradually building into obvious ones, then get tired and frustrated and leave. When all that fluttery gooey feelings about him goes away, he comes back. Hooray. Joy to the world huh. But sorry, you're just too little too late for that.

This is my problem. 2nd chances.
I don't give them away.

Recently, I was on a conquest to pursue this guy's heart. I was all out for him, supported him in every thing he does (even in HIS MISSION to pursue some other girl's heart...I. Am. A. Saint.), give him genuine compliments and seize every chance for me to show my affection towards him. You see, when I like someone, I will show it to them. I hate being all discrete and play all these guessing games I mean come on, isn't it obvious already? Anyways, I sorta got mixed signals from this guys. There are many a times where I felt like I should just stop and give up because it seemed like he wasn't into me but every time I try to pull away, he comes back. Sometimes I get the feeling that he reciprocated what I felt towards him. Most of the times I didn't. Oh wells.
On one fine day I realized that I spent basically half of my year trying to woo this guy. And it is so unlike me to be this way when I can't even last 2 months in a relationship (I don't have much exes fyi). So, in true Hanan-fashion, I confessed. It's either going somewhere, or it's not right? Well guess what, he didn't take up on my offer. I was rejected. It hurt of course, but hey, I tried meeting him halfway. Tried all my luck and it just wasn't meant to be I guess.

Waaaaaayyy later, this guy comes back (of course...). Eager to see me and all, asking his friends and mine where I'm at and stating that he hasn't seen me in so long. He wanted to see me. I'm cool with that, there's nothing wrong in seeing him. But the thing is, he always puts me in a situation where I feel that I was the one who had to ask HIM out. You know, by giving me hints that he's here or there but never really saying, Hey, let's lepak. I mean, you told me you wanted to see me, but couldn't you just ask me properly? Set a time or date maybe? I could've fitted you into my schedule. But I'm busy you know, I'm a student too.

Hm. I don't know what he's trying to do, but I just think that he wants to get close again as friends but maybe I'm just not giving him the chance to? Though Saskia (my BFF) says that's not the case. Well if it weren't, am I the one to be blamed?

Before I go and complete my speech for Monday, I've already decided on what I want for my birthday next year.

Birthday Wishlist;
- Coldplay concert ticket
- Ear-piercings (I am a pierce virgin)
- Looking for Alaska by John Green

Spreading love.
P/S: Be brave and chase whatever you want, regardless if you're a girl. We deserve to want things too.